?

Log in

No account? Create an account
not that type of girl   
08:00pm 09/08/2017
  Why does every uber driver, bouncer, host/hostess automatically assume my fiancé is Derrick Rose? I mean I defiantly see the similarities, they do look a lot alike... but Why would some rich as hell NBA player be feeling up a girl that looks like me? and why would he be in an uber/ cab at all?
Also, he doesn't even GO here anymore, we traded his ass.... also he probably gang raped someone.
So while I'm no supermodel, I am not gonna be hanging on the arm of an alleged rapist.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
we're out   
09:44pm 25/07/2017
  the world is officially out of empathy.
healthcare, well lack thereof
girl live streaming her car crash and he subsequent reaction to killing her sister
kids recording disabled man drowning and dying
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
buying in the brewster   
08:09pm 18/07/2017
  gonna be a homeowner again!! Offer accepted, closing on the 30th! I'm going to miss being so high up and having unrestricted views of the lake, but living in a place you OWN is so much more fulfilling. Doing a gut job again, so there's at least 9 months of work ahead of us, but again SO worth it.
I love our love and I am thankful.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
5.0   
08:42pm 12/06/2017
  I know Uber is a pretty shitty company, but I was pleasantly surprised tonight to find out I got 10 free rides (up to a $20 fare each ride) because my passenger rating is a perfect 5 stars.
The irony of this is that I just bought my first car and won't need uber as much. Like I bought my civic in high school from a family friend for like $1500, but this car required actual money. My brand new (well its 2016, but thats pretty much brand new) black mini copper has adopted the name Claude and is pretty much the cutest thing ever.
Hard work, like 65-80 hours a week of hard work, really does pay off!
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
my favorite day   
09:16pm 27/05/2017
  tomorrow is one of my most favorite days in chicago- "bike the drive"
5 hours of bike riding on LSD. what is usually 2-5 lanes of traffic for 15 miles is reserved for bikes. My mister and I and a select group of our couple friends are renting tandem bikes for the first time and gonna casually coast down the drive.

in other news
-condo under contract as of 5-16. Closing (if it happens which it probably will is due the 12th) then I'm no longer a home owner.
-i've promised to gain weight, gonna get up to 135 by the end of June. I'll graduate from underweight to normal weight if I even reach 130 which is only 7 pounds. I shouldn't worry about that, but I do.
-Olive is thriving
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
10:11pm 14/05/2017
  Rhetoric is like this super powerful linguistic device that helps me to express myself in a very real, very honest way. Like, you have your pathos, you have your ethos, and your logos...but, I, have my rhetoric.

Am I funny?
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
I'm really drunk and    
10:21pm 20/04/2017
  the hawks lost, i actually started to cry so I was ushered out of Darkens by my HUSBAND to be in exactly one year FROM TODAY and around this time. I'm really really excited to marry my best friend. My person, he is my person. First he was my boss, then he was a guy I fucked, then he was the guy who liked me enough to quit his job, then he way my boyfriend, then he was the guy i fucking FELL in love with,then he was my travel buddy, then he was my home purchasing partner and dog dad, then he was my running mentor, then he was my almost non boyfriend, then he was my fiancé... and now he's the person who I am going to walk down an aisle to in a ridiculous white dress in an arboretum with field of daffodils in ONE YEAR.
UGH... watching him run boston was one of the most touching experiences of my life. Like we ran chicago together but we were in a bad bad place. So he didn't run with me, he ran at his pace. In retrospect that was an amazing thing because he qualified for Boston... not many people can do that. So Monday I was on the sidelines watching the ELITE run and it was so humbling and just really fucking beautiful. To be so proud of someone accomplishing this ridiculous feat is the best feeling in the world. You literally swell with love. I can only hope to be by his side April 16th, 4 days before we get fucking married, of 2018.
IDK... condo is going on the market when be get back from Morocco. Agent predicts we'll get offers pretty quickly considering the inventory in our neighborhood and the fact we gutted it less than 1.5 yrs ago and are in the process of adding a rooftop deck. Cos of construction and our overly spoiled sensitive animals we already got a rental and I gotta say since I've been staying there for about a month I sort of love living on LSD. Sunrises are great, being so close to the running trail is great, and having a doorman is great. No HOAS because you're renting, no monthly board meetings, concrete walls so no noises from neighbors... I don't know I could go back to the high rise life. Except... not really. Living on the 25th floor makes me sick knowing I can't run down a flight of stairs in two minutes. No balcony makes me sick, but having one so high up would make me sicker.
Our hope is to buy one more condo gut job, live there for two or so years, then buy a townhouse in Old Town- with a YARD for the babies- and rent out the flipper.
This is all feasible if we don't go to war with N.Korea and China and Russia.... and hmmm, who else? Somalia?? Why not, let trump bomb them too!
We're fucked so future plans for condos, jobs, investments, children, pets, Hawks Stanly Cup wins, are all USELESS.
In two years time we'll all be jobless, drinking tainted water, starving, and cancerous from radiation poisoning... Am I joking, paranoid, utterly delusional? I hope so


Now I need to sober up for the work day in uh, 5ish hours
Good Night, and Good Luck
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
hashtag   
09:47pm 13/04/2017
  ONE GOAL.
Go Hawks
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
huh   
08:28pm 01/04/2017
  What the fuck even is "Foucault's Pendulum"
Like I don't know what english is anymore.
"The name of the Rose" was incredibly approachable and enjoyable. Sort of like and adults version of "The Count of Monte Cristo" (thats a really terrible analogy).
Umberto what have you done to me? I spent my only two hours of me time on 28 pages.
LOL- just realized when I'm training I actually consider running a job, and not "me" time... oh to be a millennial!
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
honey and the moon   
10:14pm 20/03/2017
  I'm pretty sure I want a good portion of our honeymoon at the Hotelion Sendia. I want a different room every night, and at least 4 nights. Actually preferably 4 different love hotels over a span of 4 days. There is a love hotel room designed like a fucking train car. OUR first kiss was on the el! There is an S&M hello kitty room!
I am in my office. I woke up this morning in my office after falling asleep at my desk last night. Building season is going to be the death of me, but closed a lot of sales this weekend. Hey holla at that dollar i guess.
So mister may be mad at me for being married to work right now. BUT in a little over a year we are gonna be married and will be dedicating ourselves to each other by staying in places solely designed for fucking. Except knowing us we'd spend half the time studying the architecture and design details... but hey talk (dirty) scale and color composition to me.
I am a genius.
A delirious and exhausted genius.
I want to run and then I want to bathe.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
Legit 10 minutes ago   
09:23pm 08/03/2017
  So the bestie texts me up.
Her: "Hi MCAM, watchu doing this Friday thru Monday at noonish?"
Me: "UGHHH IDK... I can't work friday cos I've already maxed out my hours this week. I'm lucky to go in tomorrow and close a sale. But I guess I'm gonna train, wanna get in two 15 mile runs. Monday I'm at home to work on CAD drawings and doting on Olive cos she stresses me the fuck out...You?
Her: "Well, its funny, so I actually booked us tickets to N'Orleans... so be at O'hare at 10:30 because we're flying out at noon- AA you'll get details to ur work email in a sec. XOXO"
Me: "Are you sure we can get vegan bengoits? Where am I going to run?"
Me: "Love you, but are you serious?"
Me: "Wait, am I supposed to pay for this?"
Me: "I've never been to New Orleans"
Her: ....no answer thus far, but does email out itinerary and the amount I owe her for my ticket "whenever you get a chance to pay me back :) I need $465 xoxo"

What the fuckkkk
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
For sale by owner (my soul included)    
09:13pm 01/03/2017
  We're putting our place on the market. My first "mine" is going to be sold. We will move and I will make a new mine. I agreed to all of this aloud and on paper, but my gut is aching. I am finding what is finically sensical is emotionally taxing. Why does my intuition disagree with the modus operandi? HA, adulthood proves more and more to be everything I never wanted. Who am I? What do I want, what do I need? Who is he?
How can I be an independently functioning rational entity of me and mine? What have we become?
Maybe the target nowadays is not to discover what we are, but to refuse what we are.
We have to imagine. We have to build up what we could be to get rid of this kind of political “double bind,” which is the simultaneous individualization and totalization of modern power structures. The conclusion would be that the political, ethical, social, philosophical problem of our days is not to try to liberate the individual from the state, and from the state’s institutions, but to liberate us both from the state and from the type of individualization which is linked to the state. We have to promote new forms of subjectivity through the refusal of this kind of individuality which has been imposed on us for several centuries.
Perhaps there is no real goal of self fulfillment or happiness or satisfaction.

I promise I'm gonna stop trying to fuck everything up by recreationally taking ambien.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
You, I... We'll wait for us only   
10:02pm 24/02/2017
  Still (interjection)
1. I will wait for you, and I do, darling, I do. I wait for you.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
meet me there   
10:01pm 24/02/2017
  Breathe (verb)
1. YES I do, I WILL! And I will not count the breaths I take until I don't.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
A litany of lists, queries, and self reflective nonsense   
09:58pm 24/02/2017
  Demure (noun)
1. A secret and endless binding contract of femininity.

1. Beautiful (noun)
The resulting ambiance of creating an environment we crave

And on April 20, 2018 I'm gonna be demure and beautiful as fuck. I found my dress today. I cried, my future SIL cried, and my mom wasn't there to cry- but she would have. The Tolli style is called Bardot, so perhaps I am meant to emulate a 50's sex bomb? That won't happen because I'm far SEXY, but I do think I'll look quite pretty! Also my dress is vegan friendly, as it contains no silk. This, I feel is a great accomplishment because many of my initial choices were not constructed as sustainably.

In unrelated news, I wish mister knew what he had gotten into by accepting a friends discarded hedgehog. Olive is so hard to keep alive. No, I have not yet found her close to death, but the more research I do, the more care I learn she requires. Initially we thought she would enjoy scuttling about searching for refuse in the condo, so we let her run free a few times a week after dropping freeze dried grubs and hedgie approved pellets. Brutus and Potato loved to portray the illusion of giving chase, but typically recoiled in fear if she gets too close. Then I learned this is likely stressing her the fuck out and she would just prefer to be in the solace of her cage. Her cage which is too small according to my research. So now I've gone and spent almost $100 to house this prickly, ornery little creature. She also needs to be in temperatures above 70 at all times... uhhh? Based off my experience thus far I find hedgehogs to be nonsensical pets because they are nocturnal, incredibly sensitive, and Olive needs a special exotic vet, which costs a fucking lot of money. OHHH and to think a few years ago I had fucking chinchillas (uhh I was DUMB and selfish)....I don't know if its best to rehome her or to continue on in our attempts to provide a suitable home.

I'm writing in here a bunch because I'm not going out to drink anymore. Mostly because when I'm at home I can make sure I don't drink too much. That is because I'm not having fun. When I'm out in the world, skin to skin with everything, I get too caught up in living to regulate my alcohol intake. And it's just not sustainable to be able to drink 6 gin and tonics with abandon. I refuse to give into my genetic (perhaps an excuse) tendencies toward alcoholism. ALSO if I'm spending 2500 of my own money on wearing a fucking dress, for at most 8 hours, in a year and two months I'm gonna save as much money as I can. Also Morocco is soon.

Now I will make a list of my aspirations for travel (mundane and exciting) for the next 12 months:
April 15th-19th: Boston- marathon and leisure
April 29th-7th: Portugal, Morocco- vacation
June 18-25: Oakland and San Fran- GOING TO CHAPEL OF THE CHIMES summer solstice concert and wedding. I am particularly excited about this visit because the Chapel of the Chimes Mausoleum is a frequent guest in my most fanciful and haunting dreams. It is a place I have become obsessed with. I need to satisfy my brain and walk through its maze, memorizing the labyrinth that envelops a combination of despair and contentment with the very tips of my fingers.
Beginning of August (TBD): VA and NC- visiting both families- 6 days
January 8-18: Orlando for KBIS 9-11, 12-16 Caribbean cruise with my future in laws

I have been vocal about my distaste for cruises. While I feel they are unapologetically hedonistic, which isn't such a bad thing in itself, they also take a significant toll on the ocean, treat their employees poorly, and promote an unexamined world view. Say you stop at a Haitian beach, does anyone have an idea of the current socioeconomic status of Haiti? Or the current output of natural resources coming from Haiti? Or that Haitians (and a good amount of the third world) are dying of Cholera (for which there is a vaccine- yeah thats a surprise to me too) or dysentery, or tuberculosis. But since I'm an American who has money I get to snorkel and look at pretty fish on a pristine beach less than 50 miles of people dying of ridiculous things.
But I'm fucked up enough to accept this offer to earn the favor of my future family, who all think I'm most things evil because I'm an upper middle class white bitch.
I deem myself to be probably one of the worst kinds of people because I care so much, but act in the most self serving way. Nothing I do to "fight the power" makes me uncomfortable. Like I've never felt fearful offing shot by police officers when protesting or marching. I only volunteer when I'm not scheduled to work. I own a dog from a breeder. I'm a vegan who wears leather shoes and purses. I don't buy cruelty free cosmetics... I.... ugh
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
spectrum- opposite ends   
11:43pm 21/02/2017
  Yesterday I tried on wedding gowns, sobbed in this extravagant and preposterous lace and silk gowns, and "dressed like a woman"
Yesterday I also didn't "dress like a woman" and protested youknowwho with a homemade "Not MY President" generic, generic, generic, sign. Though! surprisingly, I refrained from sobbing. I actually had an amazing time. I met up with some of my "fight the (insert everything I, we, you, should care about)" friends- from trivia, from school, from running, from being a sanctimonious and self righteous vegan (IE we're all annoying), from MBGC volunteering, and from Women's March.
I love them all for their intrinsic confidence. And ya know, I learned I should love myself for the very same reason. I'm a terribly fucked up insecure broken person, but I'm doing the same thing they are... so there is a part of me that is a confident badass.... or maybe a upper middle class, college educated, marginally attractive white girl who is privileged enough to try on wedding gowns and protest in the same day?
I don't know, so for now Im going to pretend I'm doing good things for the right reason.

So to completely contradict my last sentence...either Sophia Tolli, or Maggie Sottero may be my dress designer.
I'm going to write something meaningful next time, likely tomorrow
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
actually really sorry this time   
09:33pm 19/02/2017
  Anger (noun)
1. Hot thoughts bathing in cool liquid
2. Mostly useless
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
no really, sorry   
09:30pm 19/02/2017
  Daring (adjective)
1. Fully at peace with nonsensical concepts (creationism, art, and war), as if the brain has stood still
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
sorry   
09:27pm 19/02/2017
  Generic (noun)
1. I think everybody should like everybody.
1. You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because; no I don't
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
i should stop   
09:22pm 19/02/2017
  American (adjective)
1. A child who has forgotten its parents
 
     

(for sweet revenge)