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CAD bitch no more   
08:51pm 09/12/2017
  I got lead on a job! A 54 year old man will be answering to me. Drafting plans 100% on my own is pretty terrifying though. Also budget is only 90k... but I gotta start somewhere!  
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
My admiration    
09:45pm 28/11/2017
  My mother and father are the best people I have ever and will ever know. My mothers weak points are my fathers strong points, and vice versa. I was terrified of going back to school and getting my masters- my father built me up and I was able to do it. I don't know how they keep on giving, their kinds, their selflessness
I was terrified of engagement- my mother built me up and I was able to accept.
I can't celebrate their greatness, praise their parenting in words. I'm just so full of grated for them, especially after the past few days.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
07:19pm 22/11/2017
  I guess I should be excited, but I'm also Kinda pissed. My fiancé has decided we're buying the garden unit below us, and is gonna rent it out. I don't remember singing off on this, actually I didn't sign off on this. He's using 100% of his own income, but in April whats his is mine, and mine is his. I don't know if I can handle being a landlord, especially to someone who lives immediately below me, or if I'm ready for another remodel. This one should be easy as we'll use stock everything, but a down payment, taxes, and reno costs thats still 70 plus I didn't know we were planning on using.
Business has been amazing for him, he has no debt. My commissions are getting larger and larger but I still owe 10k- which yes, is nothing, compared to most student loans... but we're getting married and we have ONE mortgage- which is significant, I didn't know we were ready for another.
I'm also hosting vegan Thanksgiving tomorrow and only his brother, sister in law, and little sister are coming along with our 4 best friends but I'm so fucking stressed. Stressed that it isn't 7 yet and I'm 1/2 a bottle of Malbec deep. I just feel a lot of pressure to have the beautiful home, look skinny and glowing, but not too "educated white upper middle class bitch" who doesn't deserve a self made man from Georgia. I'll have to wear a flannel with black leggings, and hopefully my boys vans will pass as acceptable. Obviously I don't get this pressure from our friends who are also runners and accepting of plant based living who work for places from Goldman Sachs (Matt I'm making you to be the pretentious, ivy educated, rich one) to Thresholds (Kyra, I'm making you the approachable, educated, beautiful, but socially conscious one who is- BONUS- racially ambiguous.)
I feel I will be never be good enough for him in his families eyes. Like I'm in some way responsible for making him become vegan, live in Lincoln Park, not have kids at age 20 (UH he was 35 when we met!?),travel to Istanbul and Kyoto and Copenhagen, dress in sustainable fashion, and become a marathon runner. I simply encouraged him to do the things he was passionate about and we discovered together that we want to make attempts at living a cruelty free lifestyle, train our bodies to do amazing things, and travel to diverse and historically wish places. I'm obliging his family by taking a cruise that is basically the epitome of gluttony, greed, hedonism, and refusal to engage in any culture while traveling.

I'm having a trying time in my relationship right now, but I'm also experiencing some significant self doubt and mild depression. My job, running, and snuggling with my dogs, are really the things that are keeping me going. I love going on walks, runs, museums, and collaborating on projects with my fiancé, but that isn't really happening right now because he has a HUGE job, I'm lead on two projects, and I'm harboring these cancerous feelings of resentment towards his family.
I know I want to be here, but I also want my mom and my dad and my sister and my nieces and nephew(s) more than anything. They make me okay. So I wonder, where do I belong.

Grain and dairy free pumpkin pie is beeping. The official commencement of holiday stress is here.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
05:23pm 20/11/2017
  Imposing more sanctions against North Korea is going to be complete ineffective. Kim Jong Un will systematically starve his people before implementing any changes. Yes, North Korea poses a huge threat but supporting the starvation and suffering of an entire people is a war crime in my eyes.
His ego is not to underestimated, nor is that of 45... this is not going to end well
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
07:58pm 10/11/2017
  it's starting to be hard to feel again. I thought depression was sadness, but it's actually emptiness. but a really heavy empty.  
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
The end of my twenties has started in the best way   
03:34pm 06/10/2017
  Getting surprised with floor seats to Hamilton tonight and a post marathon stay at the Four Seasons is probably the best birthday present I've ever received. The most exciting part of it all is I'll have my best friend by my side the entire time.  
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
i am   
10:03pm 22/09/2017
  I am strong. Before I fall asleep I want to type this out. I am strong, SO strong, because I just did my 13.5 mi marathon prep in record time. I ran this record time ,in record heat, after a 9 hr work day.
My intrinsic reaction is to qualify the former with statements like "No, I didn't save a life- but I ran..." or "I ran well today but today is an outlier. On the 8th I know I'll fail."
so I have to fight that internal hatred and celebrate the win.
Though I recognize this victory is fleeting, I shall not fail to celebrate it
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
07:52pm 10/09/2017
  CHICAGO IS GETTING A VEGGIE GRILL! And it is opening about 1/2 mile from our condo, this is a game changer. Like we're getting one before NYC. I just hope it doesn't open before the marathon, because there goes my health kick.  
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
10:15pm 05/09/2017
  I don't agree with PETA, but I'm going to drunk defend my veganism- if that is not a word I hope that the sober me finds an appropriate substitute
I'm not vegan for the sole reason of loving animals, and that actually has very little to do with me=y decision to transition from vegetarian to vegan. I'm vegan because it seems to be the easiest way to live an environmentally conscious, compassionate, and economical lifestyle. Also the best way to fuel your body and honor your temple (or whatever they say) is to eat a low fat, high carb, plant based diet. My fiancé follows this diet and is an esteemed athlete and builds things 12 hours a day. I'm running my second marathon (my finances 4th),on this diet and am GOING to qualify for Boston (a hypothetical, but hey, if I deem if to be true...), but my point is I, WE, do a lot on a vegan diet.
Being vegan is environmentally friendly which is what I care the most about, since our natural world is fucked, and this is my PRIMARY reason for refusing to procreate. It's cheap (do not tell me brown rice, potatoes, beans, sweet potatoes, and oats cost a lot). Obviously this base diet is enriched with fruits (dried and fresh), other veggies, spices, and whole wheat pastas,and the occasional meat or dairy substitute, but those cost no more than frozen chicken nuggets, or a lean cuisine. We also shop every three days because our food doesn't last long and we eat what we buy quickly (to play devils advocate we live .4 miles from Marianos- a 10 minute walk). This eliminates so much food waste, and also ensures that what we buy is FRESH and what we need is what we are carrying back.
I don't give a shit what other people eat or wear... just please, don't go on about being an animal lover, or an environmentalist... and to clarify I embody none of those "ideals". I'm not some warrior for the animals, or defender of the forests. I drive a car (a mini, in my defense), love my HVAC, frequently buy "fast fashion" and work in a firm that seldom employs green materials.... but at least I recognize I'm a puppet to consumerism, and thus a combative opponent to our environment. Just recognize, and own up to be being a slave like the rest of us. You're not progressive and you're not a hippie! The moon doesn't know that you "know" its cycles. The hole in the ozone is not impacted by your sentiment that you only want 3 kids, not 5 like a crazy evangilist. You love your dog just as much as I love mine. You're not some animal rights activist because you work at an animal shelter. Just like I'm not an activist for women's rights because I attended the Women's March.
I wish I could say all of this to the person it is directed towards...but that person is off limits because of work obligations and social graces.
But basically....
You love your dog and you love your cat, but if you don't live a vegan lifestyle you love pets, not animals.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
MakeAmericaGreatAgain   
09:49pm 03/09/2017
  "THANK YOU, TRUMP, THIS IS HOW A REAL PRESIDENT LEADS. WHERE WAS OBAMA DURING KATRINA??? PROBABLY GOLFING. #MAGA"NOTEVER contributing to an idiotic "hashtag" of MakeAmericaGreatAgain, cos it wasn't ever great for minorities.

“U R a nutcase. It was your Pres Obama who was golfing during Hurricane Katrina. Pres Trump has been very proactive, B4 and now.”

BY THE WAY Trump's golfing days have outnumbered Obama's.

These are bleak times, folks... bleak times. SO YA, people that's ONE, or ten, reasons why I'm not going to have a baby!
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
to decompress, and then to become incensed    
09:00pm 01/09/2017
  watching a lifetime movie because well, we love them. and so in this movie "Mother" Kat gets into BROWN and then in a shot is seen holding an Algebra One book.... like my senior year I was taking AP stats and got rejected from NYU. Algebra one is something an 8th grader takes! High school is algebra 2, geo, trig, then stats or calculus!
My main point is
Since my fiancé and I began dating four years ago, I’ve encountered a lot of comments, often from strangers, about how we must have children because they will be gorgeous. Now, I love a compliment, but it’s often clear that these comments have nothing to do with me or my partner’s appearance. Rather, they’re inspired by our race. I’m Irish/Russian/American Indian- but basically just white, and my fiancé is a light skinned black man who knows little about his lineage-though he knows his great grandfather was born and raised in GAa. BUT!!! according to the people pressuring us to reproduce, mixed-race babies are soo cute!
One time, after we’d been together for about 4 months, my mister and I were at a pretty ritzy brunch at the Allium, and the woman next to us kept bringing up our hypothetical interracial children (weird, mind your own business, enjoy your brunch, leave us alone). We had not even discussed kids at this time (we have since, and no, we are not procreating- the world is too fucked, I am too stressed about the fucked up world, he is too old, and we like to travel too much), but when I tried to end the conversation, she began to tell us how she wished she had a mixed race kid, because well, they are just the best!!! Our kid (s!!!??) would be so tall, slim, but athletic (a nod to my fiancé) and with such high cheekbones and round, wide eyes (a nod to me?). I was mortified, not only because this was a guy I thought I was just gonna fuck for a while and then move on from, but also because something felt really wrong, and inherently racist about what she was saying. It was as if she was ranking skin tones, and by combining ours, my mister and I were going to give our (again, never discussed) children some sort of competitive edge. The conversation didn’t leave me feeling angry, though, since she was making desperate attempts to appear likable, progressive, and kind. I just felt bewildered. Why does a stranger decide it is her right to bring up our reproductive capabilities, willingness, and "responsibility"?
The troubling part of all this is that it hasn’t just been that one conversation. This has been a recurring theme whenever the topic of kids, race, or levels of attractivness comes up. It comes off as though some people (often times older, middle to upper class, white women) think interracial couples have an obligation to procreate, or that mixed-race kids are some sort of novelty. Furthermore, it is as though they are trying to let me know that they aren't racist. I don't think they are aware of all the pernicious beliefs underlying those statements. It seems that they think biracial babies are the best because they are exotic. Exotic without being too exotic!! (your kid will have the "softest curls", "skin the color of a latte" "lips the perfect fullness") (Oh god, I hope you have a girl because she'll have hazel eyes, but a soft afro.... she'll be at least 5'10" and won't weigh over 130 lbs!!!) ((OKAY SHUT THE FUCK UP, and FUCKOFF with your sad understanding of genetics ,and even sadder understanding of beuaty)... That, this, so much, is a indication that racism has never gone away. This is a way of them accepting that black is okay. but black is okay only if the black person is light skinned enough, well dressed, and acting like a total gent while wining and dining another well dressed tall thin 20 something who is attractive enough to produce a mixed baby that is A-OKAY, or a great blend, or NOT TOO black, but not too white. This is just a subsidiary of racist and problematic thinking that is indoctrinated in so much of our knowledge, so much of "us".
What this is all about is my reaction to people tweeting "this isn't my america" after the terrorism in Charlottesville . You are so so naive. Yes this is your America because, your, our, mine, America is still racist. It is one thing that has not gone away, you've just closed your eyes to it. Stop tweeting, open your eyes, and start doing. Protest, volunteer, march, speak. If I can find the confidence, the resources, and the time to do it,s o can anyone.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
blood is thicker than   
09:41pm 20/08/2017
  just got off the phone with my mom... she spent a solid 7 minutes telling me how a conversation over batteries at a CVS merged into a stranger gifting her enough eclipse glasses for herself and the grandchildren!
I consider her one of the most personable people I have ever met...
However! I too charmed a complete stranger into gifting me their glasses... I was HUSTLING to work after someone tried to stab someone else on the red at Jackson and this really dapper (south african??) gentle-person came up to me asking for directions to o'hare. I was on the cusp on being time to the office, if I ran- FAST. But hey fuck it... be a PERSON and give this other PERSON directions. Don't bet the annoyed local unwilling to accept a "tourists" request for directions...
Anayway..said person proceeds to tell me they will be in Finland for the eclipse so the glasses they just scored from Adler would go to complete waste... except!
ME, yes, me...
except mister got us glasses months ago so I shared the love and gifted my gift to my 36 driver Toya.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
not that type of girl   
08:00pm 09/08/2017
  Why does every uber driver, bouncer, host/hostess automatically assume my fiancé is Derrick Rose? I mean I defiantly see the similarities, they do look a lot alike... but Why would some rich as hell NBA player be feeling up a girl that looks like me? and why would he be in an uber/ cab at all?
Also, he doesn't even GO here anymore, we traded his ass.... also he probably gang raped someone.
So while I'm no supermodel, I am not gonna be hanging on the arm of an alleged rapist.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
we're out   
09:44pm 25/07/2017
  the world is officially out of empathy.
healthcare, well lack thereof
girl live streaming her car crash and he subsequent reaction to killing her sister
kids recording disabled man drowning and dying
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
buying in the brewster   
08:09pm 18/07/2017
  gonna be a homeowner again!! Offer accepted, closing on the 30th! I'm going to miss being so high up and having unrestricted views of the lake, but living in a place you OWN is so much more fulfilling. Doing a gut job again, so there's at least 9 months of work ahead of us, but again SO worth it.
I love our love and I am thankful.
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
5.0   
08:42pm 12/06/2017
  I know Uber is a pretty shitty company, but I was pleasantly surprised tonight to find out I got 10 free rides (up to a $20 fare each ride) because my passenger rating is a perfect 5 stars.
The irony of this is that I just bought my first car and won't need uber as much. Like I bought my civic in high school from a family friend for like $1500, but this car required actual money. My brand new (well its 2016, but thats pretty much brand new) black mini copper has adopted the name Claude and is pretty much the cutest thing ever.
Hard work, like 65-80 hours a week of hard work, really does pay off!
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
my favorite day   
09:16pm 27/05/2017
  tomorrow is one of my most favorite days in chicago- "bike the drive"
5 hours of bike riding on LSD. what is usually 2-5 lanes of traffic for 15 miles is reserved for bikes. My mister and I and a select group of our couple friends are renting tandem bikes for the first time and gonna casually coast down the drive.

in other news
-condo under contract as of 5-16. Closing (if it happens which it probably will is due the 12th) then I'm no longer a home owner.
-i've promised to gain weight, gonna get up to 135 by the end of June. I'll graduate from underweight to normal weight if I even reach 130 which is only 7 pounds. I shouldn't worry about that, but I do.
-Olive is thriving
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
   
10:11pm 14/05/2017
  Rhetoric is like this super powerful linguistic device that helps me to express myself in a very real, very honest way. Like, you have your pathos, you have your ethos, and your logos...but, I, have my rhetoric.

Am I funny?
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
I'm really drunk and    
10:21pm 20/04/2017
  the hawks lost, i actually started to cry so I was ushered out of Darkens by my HUSBAND to be in exactly one year FROM TODAY and around this time. I'm really really excited to marry my best friend. My person, he is my person. First he was my boss, then he was a guy I fucked, then he was the guy who liked me enough to quit his job, then he way my boyfriend, then he was the guy i fucking FELL in love with,then he was my travel buddy, then he was my home purchasing partner and dog dad, then he was my running mentor, then he was my almost non boyfriend, then he was my fiancé... and now he's the person who I am going to walk down an aisle to in a ridiculous white dress in an arboretum with field of daffodils in ONE YEAR.
UGH... watching him run boston was one of the most touching experiences of my life. Like we ran chicago together but we were in a bad bad place. So he didn't run with me, he ran at his pace. In retrospect that was an amazing thing because he qualified for Boston... not many people can do that. So Monday I was on the sidelines watching the ELITE run and it was so humbling and just really fucking beautiful. To be so proud of someone accomplishing this ridiculous feat is the best feeling in the world. You literally swell with love. I can only hope to be by his side April 16th, 4 days before we get fucking married, of 2018.
IDK... condo is going on the market when be get back from Morocco. Agent predicts we'll get offers pretty quickly considering the inventory in our neighborhood and the fact we gutted it less than 1.5 yrs ago and are in the process of adding a rooftop deck. Cos of construction and our overly spoiled sensitive animals we already got a rental and I gotta say since I've been staying there for about a month I sort of love living on LSD. Sunrises are great, being so close to the running trail is great, and having a doorman is great. No HOAS because you're renting, no monthly board meetings, concrete walls so no noises from neighbors... I don't know I could go back to the high rise life. Except... not really. Living on the 25th floor makes me sick knowing I can't run down a flight of stairs in two minutes. No balcony makes me sick, but having one so high up would make me sicker.
Our hope is to buy one more condo gut job, live there for two or so years, then buy a townhouse in Old Town- with a YARD for the babies- and rent out the flipper.
This is all feasible if we don't go to war with N.Korea and China and Russia.... and hmmm, who else? Somalia?? Why not, let trump bomb them too!
We're fucked so future plans for condos, jobs, investments, children, pets, Hawks Stanly Cup wins, are all USELESS.
In two years time we'll all be jobless, drinking tainted water, starving, and cancerous from radiation poisoning... Am I joking, paranoid, utterly delusional? I hope so


Now I need to sober up for the work day in uh, 5ish hours
Good Night, and Good Luck
 
     

(for sweet revenge)

 
hashtag   
09:47pm 13/04/2017
  ONE GOAL.
Go Hawks
 
     

(for sweet revenge)